Empty Nester - Not Quite

My daughter told me the other day about some birds, a mommy and a daddy, that have set up house on one of her security cameras. Last year the birds, a couple of barn swallows that mate for life, built a nest and have gone ahead to parent families - three sets so far. Usually three eggs are hatched each set. The parents feed the babies until they are older and stronger, both working equally to take care of them. The babies practice flapping their wings in preparation for flight, and when the time comes for them to leave the nest, the parents encourage them and watch them leave. Some birds have fallen from the nest before they could fly and died, being eaten by ants. Others have flown off to be caught and eaten by cats. Always the parents mourn the loss of their young for an entire day with a racket of noise, and then they get back to the work of taking care of life. About half of the birds have flown off to live productive lives, to mate, and to again parent broods. When it is time for the birds to leave, the parents stop feeding them, thus, forcing their young to fly out of the nest, find food for themselves, and basically take care of themselves. The most recent brood was found with one dead that had fallen out of the nest before it knew how to fly, a second that flew out and lived, and a third that refused to leave. Because the third was not being fed by its parents or willing to find food for itself, it died. The parents mourned the loss of that bird as well. They are still trying to get the dead bird out of the nest so they can begin a fourth family.

The Bird that Died to Stay

   or

    The Bird that Wouldn't Leave

The Beauty of the Government of the United States and its effects on the present election

We had a Sunday School lesson the other day about governments. The teacher wrote on the board several types of governments: monarchy, democracy, and theocracy. With those terms we chronicled the government types through biblical and Book of Mormon times. Most governments were theocracies with prophet leaders or monarchies with kings. A couple times there was a kritarchy, which is rule by judges, during the time of Judges in the Bible and Book of Mormon. The teacher decided that a monarchy with a king is the best form of government because Christ will establish His kingdom on earth, and He will be king. I had not before considered a monarchy to be the ideal form of government, but I could see how he came up with that idea. Most monarchies today are useless vehicles for propaganda, or they turn the country toward tyranny. Finding a king that is righteous is difficult; finding a king that stays righteous seems impossible. The Book of Mormon warned of wicked kings in Mosiah 29 when the people were encouraged to appoint righteous men as judges. The reason the monarchy will work when Christ comes for the second time is that He will be righteous.

According to the book "The 5000 Year Leap" by Cleon Skousen, which I read a few years ago, the Founding Fathers of our country knew the benefits of each type of government. The also knew the disadvantages. For example, the strength of a monarchy is its ability to immediately without debate decide an issue by the one person in charge, the king or queen, while a disadvantage is its tendency for that king to turn into a tyrant. The strength of a theocracy is to be led by principles based on the religion of the people. A disadvantage would be that the religion may not be agreeable to everyone. The strength of a democracy is that every person would have a say. A disadvantage could be that not everyone would care or choose wisely. The strength of an oligarchy, leadership by an elite few, is the furthering of invention and ideas, while the disadvantage could be disregarding the poor.

Without the hope of a righteous leader such as Christ, the Founding Fathers put together a constitution with all governments in mind, an idea that I found very interesting. They hoped to tap into the benefits of each one while creating checks and balances to temper the disadvantages. The Executive branch mimics the benefit of a monarchy. The Legislative branch with its two Congresses mimics the oligarchy of the Senate and the democracy of the House.

When one branch of the government is not checked, the negative aspects of the government it mimics become more prominent. We have seen a lot of overreach of branches of government during the reign of Obama, particularly from the executive branch. He has passed many laws or mandates without following constitutional procedure, and therefore, the monarchy, which his position represents, has been looking a little tyrannical.

Another facet of the constitution and government of the United States is the position of federalism. Besides the national center of our government in Washington, D.C., we have an important states presence. In other words, every state has power and rights. Federal by definition means "of or constituting a form of government in which sovereign power is divided between a central authority and a number of constituent political units." That the national government is gaining power over the federal states, overturning laws passed by the states, and meddling in responsibilities that belong to the states, shows more overreach and disregard for the processes of the constitution.

In 2008 we voted in Obama and a Democratic Congress, who gave us Obamacare, a program that put the financial state of the nation in jeopardy. In 2010 we voted in a Republican House. In 2012 we voted to keep Obama and the Republican House, and we voted in a Republican Senate as well as a majority of Republican governors. 2014 brought more and stronger representation in both Congresses by Republicans. At this present time, still no one can stop Obama's tyranny or get any responsible legislation passed despite all the Republican presence in his disfavor. Therefore, all the work the voters had done to secure more "reasonable" thinking in Washington, DC, has not been of any benefit. What was going on in Washington, DC? When Trump began running for President of the U.S. and began gaining support, I marveled. Upon consideration, I wondered if it was that the people wanted someone who wasn't already part of the political scene. After all that had been done to improve Washington, the next move, therefore, should be to get someone in as president who does not know or play into the system. If this was their thinking, I could see their point as well as the madness of it all. That someone has been thought to be in the person of Trump. However, when he met with Paul Ryan to come to some kind of consensus of thought for the benefit of the establishment, I was disappointed for all the people who were looking to Trump to change what is happening in Washington. The people were wanting something different, and now he was being drawn into the "game."

No, I have not yet become a supporter of Trump. However, I have wondered at the events that have accompanied his rise to popularity. I listen to his simplistic, broad view rhetoric, and I understand how he is attracting supporters, but I have trouble believing him now and ignoring what he has said and done for many years before this point. Nor can I see Trump "patiently" following constitutional law. There are many things that I would like to see changed immediately, but constant executive orders cannot be the means. I also expect his antics to overthrow his chances. Yes, I agree with many of the things Trump is preaching; after all, they are broad view talking points. I cannot in any way get behind Hillary Clinton in anything she says.

Our country faces an important crossroads. Will we go in the direction it is being coerced, or will we find a way to turn back toward the constitution, upon which our government is based and which our Heavenly Father endorsed in D&C 101?

That was 2016 when I wrote that.  Now six years later much has happened.  During the months leading up to the 2016 election in November I resolved to vote for Trump.  Every time I listened to him the Holy Ghost said to me that what he was saying was good.  Where I was ambivalent was whether he would actually do what he was saying.  I guess that's the qualm about every candidate.  So, as history shows, Trump won.  My sons and I were sitting on my bed watching the election results come in; we sat in disbelief. The media and the polls had reported that Hillary would be winning.  We had intended to watch Trump lose, and when he won, we wondered how.  

The next day I felt lighter, that we weren't going to be under the rule of the corrupt Hillary Clinton. I also felt like I had better keep it quiet that I voted for Trump because riots and protests began immediately. The citizenry feared reprisal for voting for Trump.  He met with Obama to effectuate a smooth transition, met with the transition team, learning all that he needed to know, including classified information. On January 20, he was inaugurated.  He put his hand on a Bible and swore to uphold the constitution and protect us from all enemies, foreign and domestic.  

His speech seemed to be calling out groups who were undermining America, which some news media felt was not appropriate for an inauguration address.  Years later I realized that he was stating what his focus was going to be.  He said, among other things, "Today’s ceremony, however, has very special meaning because today, we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, D.C. and giving it back to you, the people.

"For too long, a small group in our nation’s capital has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered, but the jobs left and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country. Their victories have not been your victories. Their triumphs have not been your triumphs. And while they celebrated in our nation’s capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.

"What truly matters is not which party controls our government, but whether our government is controlled by the people. January 20th, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again."

He said many other things, which can be read  here  or listened to  here  .

At the time of this inauguration I was teaching one of my United States Music and Culture classes at SLCC.  I made my class listen to this speech.  I didn't pay attention to any of what he said because I was looking at the reactions of the students in my class, and they didn't seem to care one way or another.  After that speech we watched as Trump changed the course of history. He stopped terrorists from the Middle East from entering our country by putting a travel ban in place.  Many families were not allowed to leave or enter America to see their families, but terrorism ended. The porous border situation was fixed because Trump made Mexico stop them, thus stopping immigrants from entering the US. We gained oil independence. He gave the military renewed respect. He adjusted the tariffs to do business with other nations. He got rid of the penalty for not having health insurance. There were many other things he fixed.  By the time of his re-election and actually much before, I was convinced he was trying to do some good things.  

All the while the politicians in Washington, D.C. and media were trying to stop what he was doing.  They started impeachment proceedings because it was alleged that he worked with Russia to get himself elected. For years we heard about Russia's involvement in the 2016 election. Finally, that was put to bed.  Then, it became a phone call he made to Ukraine about Biden's involvement there, and impeachment proceedings began on that.  He was found not guilty by February 2020, and all allegations were dropped.  

That's when the pandemic happened.  News of a killer virus from China put fear in the hearts of everyone.  Italy was hit hard.  Then, New York was hit and they took steps to make everyone safe.  Eventually, it arrived in Summit County and Salt Lake County.  Finally, on March 13, everything in Utah was shut down.  Governor Gary Herbert mandated that all non-essential employees be quarantined so that the virus would be stopped, so that no one would be around anyone who had it.  We were forced to wear masks and social distance, which meant to stay six feet away from people.  Businesses adapted to the mandates by sticking signs on the floors, indicating which direction a person could walk and where to stand.  Trump was on TV every night with health officials helping us through it.  He gave everyone a stimulus to compensate for loss of income.  The quarantine was supposed to last two weeks, but it didn't.  It lasted months, and in some states years. 

I was fearful. At Sorenson I tried to not touch anything.  When I returned home I stripped in the garage. At home I cleaned my piano keys and knobs and handles religiously from entering piano students.  Finally, Sorenson let me work from home, and I was happy to be safe from danger.  In Utah the medical board ordered $800,000 of hydroxychloroquine to give to the infected.  However, Governor Herbert had them send it back because it wasn't safe to use and wasn't effective in stopping the spread of the infection.  That's when I started questioning things.  What?  This virus is unknown to us, and without even trying anything we know what does and doesn't work?  We should have been able to throw anything and everything at this "unknown" germ.  Groups started rising up to protest the mandates.

States were preparing for the 2020 presidential election and began pushing for mail-in voting so that no one had to come in contact with anyone.  November 3 came, election day, Trump had a majority of votes, but six states held back their final results.  (Since all 50 states were using mail-in voting as the main way to vote, all 50 states should not have had results until days later.)  I watched as the majority vote changed to Biden.  Trump called for recounts, and the news stopped reporting, so I began looking other places for information.  I turned to FaceBook, MeWe, and others, including Twitter, which allowed me to read but not post, and there was a certain poster, recommended by someone else, that I began to follow.  He had interesting information.  One thing in particular was a video about a woman who had worked for Merck but quit because of their unethical practices.  She began speaking out about the company, their vaccines and medicines, and began receiving death threats.  Interestingly enough, she was found dead a week before the vaccine rolled out in early December.  

Since I hadn't had a vaccine since 1961, I knew I would be abstaining.  Nor did I find it necessary to continually get tested. Some people were doing it weekly.  I was like, "Sorry, I'm not participating in this pandemic." Never have I ever had a flu-like sickness and needed to go to the doctor about it.  I have just treated myself at home with natural remedies. Why should this be any different?  Hospitals and doctors, for that matter, were telling people that if they had symptoms to stay home. I marveled at how the medical industry was turning the sick away.

That person I had been following disappeared.  So, I found Telegram, and the group I had joined, UCA, also began posting on Telegram.  I also found Epoch Times.  They weren't posting about the election until about January of 2021, so I found many other sources, American Media Periscope, and many others. Also, The Gateway Pundit, was excellent.  

Concerning the election, I watched numerous videos of election officials turning poll watchers away, and generally, treating them like chattel. Yes, some were corralled into a fenced area. I watched a video of Ruby Freeman and her daughter and others in the Georgia-Atlanta precinct take buckets of ballots out from under a desk, after all other workers and watchers were forced to leave, and run them and rerun them multiple times through tabulators. I saw a video of polling numbers in Pennsylvania that changed several thousands of votes from Trump to Biden and another that changed the votes by 666. I watched every Senate hearing, run by Rudy Giuliani and Jenna Ellis, on the alleged fraudulent election of 2020.  Poll watchers, voters, statisticians, election specialists testified of personal experiences and inconsistencies. I especially was impressed by Doug Mastriano, a member of the Senate in Pennsylvania, who personally organized the event and who was somewhat emotional about the situation. Georgia was a mess from beginning to end:  Brian Kemp, Brad Raffensperger.  Here are some of the hearings:

Pennsylvania

Georgia

Arizona

Michigan

Wisconsin 

Absolute Proof 

2000 Mules 

As December 14 approached, I thought surely something would be done.  Surely everyone can see the fraud.  December 14 came and went, the day the electors would certify their state elections, and they elected Biden. The LDS church congratulated Joe Biden as the new president-elect.  It was disconcerting.  Surely they were aware of the evidence.  People on Facebook commented their aggravation; eventually someone mentioned that it was just protocol for the church to do so. 

January 6 approached, and everyone thought it would be the day when everything would be put right.  Trump had his "Stop the Steal" rally, and then encouraged everyone to walk peacefully over to the Capitol building to protest there.  However, people were not peaceful. I watched videos of people being allowed into the Capitol by the Capitol Police; also, videos of people smashing in windows, videos of a woman by the name of Ashli Babbitt who was shot. Those videos of Ashli Babbitt were taken by Jayden X, aka John Sullivan, an Antifa member who had protested in Utah and Salt Lake counties. He was wearing a MAGA hat, but I knew he was not a Trump supporter. I knew this because UCA, the group I was a member of, had kept him in their sights.  I knew what he looked like.  He videotaped the shooting, and in his voice you could hear his shock. I'm sure he had been hired to attend the event, videotape a group of people entering the Senate floor and various other things.  He just hadn't been told that someone would be shot. I saw her being shot. I saw her body involuntarily contort in shock.  I saw the police and security officers helping her, but they had no idea what to do for her.  I realized they were not real police, probably Antifa dressed up as police.  I read that John Sullivan had been arrested and released that day. 

Since then more information came out about what happened that day.  Three other people died, and others were hurt.  Also, since that day, several people who attended the event have been in jail, now going on two years. Some never even walked into the Capitol. Antifa protesters who created millions of dollars of damage the summer before have hardly spent any time in jail, most on a catch and release basis.  Antifa  

Here are a couple of videos about January 6, 2021.

https://www.theepochtimes.com/the-real-story-of-jan-6-documentary_4596670.html

https://www.theepochtimes.com/the-real-story-of-january-6-2_4632943.html?

Since January 6 didn't bring the desired results, we all watched as January 20, Inauguration Day, approached.  How was this all going to shake out?  (Brazil had an election on October 30, 2022, which was fraudulent as well. I began following a Telegram thread that contained information about Patriots who were protesting and hoping to overturn those results prior to the January 1, 2023, Inauguration. Unfortunately, nothing happened, and as the day approached and I read the comments of the Brazilian people, I realized the same thing was going to happen there. I felt like I was reliving the events of the 2020 US election.)

Life has gone on, and many think that life eventually returned to normal, but everything changed for me.  In the time that I had been searching for information about the election, I came across a lot of other information.  I learned how deeply the world has succumbed to wickedness.

Tithing Tales - IV

In April 2001 I had been praying to find a way to purchase car insurance because I don't like driving around being illegal. Finding out that I did the taxes in our house, Grandpa Shelton, out of the blue, asked me to do his taxes. He thought he would rather pay me (he never did it again, however) than his tax preparer. Having only done my own provided very limited experience, but I agreed to do it. He offered me $150 which is what he would have paid the tax preparer, H&R Block. In the meantime, I called around looking for car insurance and found a very helpful gentleman with Allstate. (I've noticed the people the Lord sends me are very kind.) For the least amount of coverage, liability only, just to be legal, he quoted me $175. I decided I could try to come up with an extra $25 by purchasing less food. When I went to their office, they printed out the policy and registration papers and were happy to tell me that the price came in lower at $157.38.  Wow, exactly what I had!

Fame and Fortune

The music business is a complex structure. There are five interdependent parts: the publisher, the songwriter, recording artist, the producer, and the record label.


The music publisher is responsible for ensuring the songwriters and composers receive payment when their compositions are used commercially. Through an agreement called a publishing contract, a songwriter or composer "assigns" the copyright of their composition to a publishing company. In return, the company licenses compositions, helps monitor where compositions are used, collects royalties and distributes them to the composers. They also secure commissions for music and promote existing compositions to recording artists, film and television. The copyrights owned and administered by publishing companies are one of the most important forms of intellectual property in the music industry. (The other is the copyright on a master recording which is typically owned by a record company.) Publishing companies play a central role in managing this vital asset.

The songwriter is an individual who writes the lyrics, melodies and chord progressions for songs, typically for a popular music genre such as pop music or country music. A songwriter can also be called a composer, although the latter term tends to be mainly used for individuals from the classical music genre. The pressure from the music industry to produce popular hits means that songwriting is often an activity for which the task are distributed between a number of people.

The recording artist is a musician and/or singer who records and releases music, often professionally, through a record label or independently. Working as a music artist requires long training, either in music school or through gaining experience and physical conditioning and practicing to maintain and improve musical skills. Music artists sometimes live erratic, nomadic lifestyles. Music artists often face intermittent periods of unemployment, long nights in the studio, and frequent travel to performance venues. They also typically must deal with income uncertainty due to competition for places in bands or performance venues. Though a risky profession, it is one of the most over-saturated occupations. While many musicians are only known within their city or region, some music artists, depending on public reception and appreciation of their work, go on to achieve celebrity status.

The music producer has many roles that may include, but are not limited to, gathering ideas for the projects, selecting songs and/or session musicians, proposing changes to the song arrangements, coaching the artist and musicians in the studio, controlling the recording sessions, and supervising the entire process through audio mixing (recorded music) and, in some cases, to the audio mastering stage. Producers also often take on a wider entrepreneurial role, with responsibility for the budget, schedules, contracts, and negotiations. In the 2010s, the recording industry has two kinds of producers with different roles: executive producer and music producers. Executive producers oversee project finances while music producers oversee the creation of music.

The record label is a brand or trademark associated with the marketing of music recordings and music videos. Often, a record label is also a publishing company that manages such brands and trademarks, coordinates the production, manufacture, distribution, marketing, promotion, and enforcement of copyright for sound recordings and music videos; conducts talent scouting and development of new artists ("artists and repertoire" or "A&R"); and maintains contracts with recording artists and their managers. The term "record label" derives from the circular label in the center of a vinyl record record which prominently displays the manufacturer's name, along with other information. Record labels may be small, localized, and "independent" ("indie"), or they may be part of a large international media group, or somewhere in between. As of 2012 there are only three labels that can be referred to as "major labels" (Universal Music Group out of California, Sony Music Entertainment out of Japan, and Warner Music Group out of New York).

An artist may use all or some of the other parts of the music business in order to produce music. There are disadvantages and advantages to both types of labels. Being under contract with an independent label means possibly larger cuts in royalty payments, especially if there are no middlemen. A major label, however, can provide wider exposure, which could mean more sources for royalty payments. There

Life Lessons Learned about the Principle of Free Agency

Life's struggles can be full of heartache, but they can also be the teachers of important lessons. A lesson I learned through many years of struggle is the importance of the principle of free agency. As members of the LDS church know, free agency is "the ability and privilege God gives people to choose and to act for themselves." In the pre-mortal existence, we actually fought to keep this privilege. Lucifer suggested an alternative plan to God's that would have nullified our ability to choose to return to our Heavenly Father or not. Instead, he suggested a plan that would guarantee that all of God's children would return. On the surface, Lucifer's plan appears the ideal - why would it be bad? On the contrary, it was not the ultimate purpose. The purpose of God's plan was to find out what each of us is made of.

As we descended to this earthly life, we gained bodies, lost remembrance of our previous existence, and received direction that we should faithfully uphold; we were given the opportunity to prove ourselves. Our Heavenly Father wanted to see if we would be willing to be directed by spiritual influences or earthly influences. Would we conform to higher law or would we rebel or ignore it? Following our Heavenly Father's plan would mean that many would fail the test and not return to Him. To effectuate His plan would require that we be given our free agency, freedom to choose.

It's amazing how often our freedom is tampered with. Throughout history, governments have forced their citizens to live a certain way. Leaders have passed laws that took away freedoms. Society has developed rules that took away the freedom of certain groups. Employers have worked their employees like slaves. Wives have been oppressed by husbands and vice versa. Children have lost their will in the face of parental controls. Some call people who swap freedoms as controlling. There are many ways to be controlling: silence, anger, withholding privileges, issuing demands and ultimatums, etc. and many more.

I realized I had lost my free agency when I finally had it returned to me. The lack of agency made me question myself, my role in this life, my testimony, and about every other thing. I found it difficult to live the Gospel. Happiness was contrived. For anyone to accept the Gospel, free agency is necessary. No one should have their freedom taken from them. Now that freedom is flourishing, I try to safeguard it for myself and everyone around me.

Gilmore Girls and the Fascination with Mormons...

The TV series, Gilmore Girls (2000-2008), is a story set in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, (a fictitious location) in the same time period that it was filmed. My daughter introduced the show to me. It is light and entertaining but also presents several sides to the human experience. There are issues between the rich and the working class, issues of working women vs. the stay-at-home woman of the house, issues condoning premarital sex vs. abstinence from sex until marriage, issues of religion vs. non-religion, issues of education vs. no education, issues of single parenting, issues of eating healthy vs. eating fast foods, issues of parenting. And what father would ever be okay with looking at his daughter's cleavage? As the story progresses, we find it easy to root for Lorelai and Rory, by whom the liberal side of all of those issues is made to appear better and not unreasonable, while the conservative side is made to seem ridiculous. Lorelai's mother is portrayed without a heart and beyond controlling, and Lane's mother lives her part as the inane orthodox religionist. Underneath the pervading viewpoint, Lorelai, at one point, revels over the fact that her daughter "is the good one" when Rory reveals to Paris that she has never had premarital sex. Lane, although she fought her mother's conservative principles and disobeyed most of her mother's rules, cannot give herself to Zach when they are dating or engaged because of what she had been taught through her life. Emily and Richard, Lorelai's parents, have a lasting, happy marriage amidst trials.


Although there are conflicting issues throughout the series, one idea is a constant theme agreed upon by all sides, and that theme is that "it is imperative to communicate everything that goes on in one's life." This seemingly simplistic idea is one I don't agree with. I have been aware of people who complained of not being told something, and I have wondered, "Well, why are they required to tell you?" Having felt wrath or belittlement from people who were upset with me because I didn't tell them personal information (at all or soon enough), I must say, "Where does it say that I must tell anyone within a certain time limit about things that are happening in my life?" If they think I have been amiss, they ought to first consider why I might be unwilling to divulge information. What kind of relationship invites open interaction...  Not every relationship deserves that, and surely, not everyone can demand that. Yes, I realize that if I were to tell what news I may have freely, I would avoid their wrath, but their wrath should never be a reason I do anything. They should just be happy to hear my news however or whenever because I am going to give them exactly the same consideration. Also, being fine with waiting to hear develops respect and trust that might eventually result in a relationship where the parties feel comfortable sharing any information.


The show also has an infatuation with or need to ridicule Mormonism. (After all, during some of this time Romney was running for president.) There are seven episodes in which Mormons are mentioned.



1. Season 2, Episode 2:  Lorelai said to Rory, "...reminisce about how I never forced you to become a missionary." They didn't actually refer to Mormon missionaries, but which church has the greatest organization of missionaries?



2. Season 3, Episode 7:  Jaxon said, "I didn't realize I was a Mormon." He was referring to polygamy because Sookie and Lorelai were both putting in their opinions about how many children Sookie should have.



3. Season 4, Episode 9:  Lorelai pours an alcoholic beverage into a cup and asks her dad, "How's that?" He responds, "Oh, that's fine if we were in Utah."



4. Season 4, Episode 10: Tobin said, "I moved to Utah because I heard there were a  lot of job opportunities for industrious Mormons." Lorelai questioned, "I didn't know you were a Mormon?" Tobin replied, "I wasn't so I became one. The paperwork took weeks. And I didn't know about the alcohol thing." Lorelai interjected, "They famously abstain." Tobin continued, "No coffee, either. The choir was fabulous, but then there's the funny underwear. It didn't last. I spent a lot of time online when I was a Mormon. There wasn't much else to do."



5. Season 5, Episode 6:  Paris says to Rory, "You want to go check out the Mormon bingo around 5th?"



6. Season 5, Episode 10:  In a speed dating event at which both Paris and Doyle found themselves, Doyle says to Paris, about the previous suitor, "I believe the words Latter-day Saints were about to come out of her mouth."


7. Season 6, Episode 10:  Lorelai says to Rory, "The last time they triple-teamed me with a priest, a rabbi, and a Mormon missionary."


Although this show seems to glorify issues or condone behaviors that I don't approve of, and I have often thought that I should find something better to watch, it has taken me through several mass grading sessions of term papers. I tune to the show and have it on in the background, with volume low, while I read and correct term papers, coming up for air and breaks to see where we are in the seven-year story. I don't know how many times I have watched through the entire series, but, watching it so many times, I've realized some very profound moments of dialogue and plot that the writers may not have even been aware of. I can always find a silver lining.

Living with Labels - Disney's "Aladdin"

I teach MUSC 1040, United States Music and Culture, at Salt Lake Community College. As part of the curriculum, the review of two textbooks is required. One of the textbooks is a discussion about social problems and how music has influenced them and vice versa. One of the chapters talks about "deviant behavior." It presents the argument that deviant behavior is associated with music, musicians, and fans of certain music genres. So, what is deviant behavior? The textbook explains it as behavior that is out of the norm. The textbook identifies drug use, sexual promiscuity, sexual disorientation, Satanism, swearing, etc. to be out of the norm for musicians. Psychologists, sociologists, and religionists can identify more than this to be out of the norm for human beings. We are left to wonder what behavior is the norm?

Deviant behavior is identified when someone decides that a certain behavior could be a problem. Deviant groups are formed in the following steps:

1) a behavioral problem is identified
2) people are found who do that behavior and are labeled as deviant
3) those people feel labeled and act out that behavior
4) those people find others who do that same behavior; they associate and become a group.

Bringing it to a personal level, I've asked in my classes who has been given labels, and it is interesting how the hands shoot up. Everyone is labeled at one time or another. Many of us spend our entire lives overcoming labels we've received. So, what do these kids feel labeled about? Being inactive at church, being a rebel, being stupid, being slow, being quiet, being a nerd (which has now become a generational thing; being called a nerd in my generation is still considered an insult, while nerds to my children's generation are highly admired), being irresponsible and lazy, being liberal or conservative, being sinful, not religious, having autism, ADHD, Asperger’s, etc. There are so many things psychologists have identified as not normal behaviors.

Aladdin and the song “One Jump Ahead” perfectly illustrates how labeling works and how labeling an individual as deviant can result in more deviance. Some of the more important lyrics in the song are: “I steal only what I can’t afford, that’s everything,” “Stop thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal! Let’s not be too hasty….gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat, otherwise we’d get along” and finally “riff, raff, street rat, I don’t buy that, if only they’d look closer, would they see a poor boy? No-siree, they’d find out there’s so much more to me.”

When I was growing up, I was labeled as smart, quiet, gullible, talented, thin, introverted, passive, and lacking self-confidence. The new idea being passed around by psychologists then was that a person needed to be aggressive and self-confident to become anything or accomplish anything in life. Well, in my present situation I wasn't going to be doing anything. To address my quietness, my mother had me read to her while she sat two rooms away. Basically, I had to scream. If that didn't cement in me the idea that being quiet wasn't good...  I hated it when people told me I was quiet. That always dredged up how bad I was; it meant I was incapable of functioning, as I had been programmed to believe.

My lack of self-confidence was an issue I had to deal with. I don't know how I got through school without it despite the fact that I was also labeled as "smart." When I was hired on to my first job as a secretary, I had to answer the phone. Oh man, I did not know what to say or how to answer their questions past the initial introduction. It showed off my lack of self-confidence in the extreme. To my surprise, after three years of suffering through answering a business phone, I realized I wasn't suffering so much; it had become easier. I didn't dread it so much, and I actually became good at it. Ah-hah, so, it wasn't my lack of self-confidence! It was my lack of experience. I came up with the saying that "confidence comes by experience," a motto that has helped me through many struggles.

I served a mission to Costa Rica-San Jose. There I encountered some of the same labels, but while there, I made three goals for myself. My LTM companions, Melanee (Anderson) Sainsbury, and Vicki (Spence) Stith, made three also, and we shared them amongst ourselves.  Mine were: 1) to acquire a firm solid knowledge of the Gospel; 2) gain confidence in myself; and 3) develop a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. When I returned from my mission, I realized I had been blessed with having accomplished all three of the goals. In regards to #2, occasionally people tried to undermine my confidence or tell me I was cocky or some such thing. I even tried to lose it on one occasion, but finally learned to ignore those labels because I couldn't agree with them. It was a gift I had been given, the gift of confidence in myself, and I had to continue on in my life using it to "become something" and "accomplish something."

I appreciate all the compliments I receive from people about being talented, but I look at it in a completely different way than most people mean it. Some people have called it a God-given talent, but I can play the piano well because I worked many years practicing that skill. My Heavenly Father provided the means through my parents and teachers, and my learning was affected by the things that my “intelligence” came to earth with (perhaps stick-to-it-tiveness or perfectionism), which each of us have, according to the Pearl of Great Price. Divine help was there to buoy me up when the going got rough and to help me see a way to accomplish what I needed to do, but I had to put in the work. Anyone could do the same. There are also aspects of my piano playing that are and always have been frustrating to me. For example, I struggle with speed. It's possible that my "perfectionism" gets in the way. My Heavenly Father has always let me know when I am thinking too highly of my abilities. Therefore, my ability is to be used for good, as quoted in my patriarchal blessing, and always to lift and support others.

I still am gullible, and I accept that. I also tend to be introverted still. I came out of that condition significantly on my mission, but I have slipped back into my natural self. I presently work at CC, and I can spend an entire day not talking to anyone and be fine, but I also know that when occasion calls for it, I can tap into some latent extrovert behavior to get the job done.

Being labeled smart would probably seem to be a good thing. After all, doesn't everyone want that label? Certainly being considered stupid or slow, opposites to smart, would tear at someone's psyche in a way that could be irreparable, and many negative labels given in childhood need to be dropped. While in college I had to come to terms with my "smarts." I distinctly remember facing the possibility of not being able to live up to that label. I came to realize that I was not smart about everything. There were a lot of subjects I knew nothing about and would never know about, and as I get older, this continues to become apparent, as my field of knowledge narrows. I had to learn how to deal with not knowing something and how to react to others around me. Feeling embarrassment for not knowing something made me figure out how to accept not knowing in myself. Also, being derided for not knowing something made me realize I never wanted to belittle someone for their lack of "knowledge." Again, experience usually dictates what someone knows, what they have done, where they have been, what they have been exposed to.

Still, I was called "quiet." Somehow, as "quiet" as I was, I got jobs, went on a mission, completed school, got married and had kids, and have maintained a piano business for years. Eventually, when my kids got older, I realized that some of them had inherited their dad's voice, and I realized that I had done exactly that, inherited my dad's voice, but I hadn't given myself permission to accept that idea before then. I also inherited my dad's hypoglycemia, and if ever that got out of whack, there went my voice even more. Since I've had the job of teaching at SLCC, I've had to make sure my voice projects, and I've had to make sure my hypoglycemia is stable so that my voice works. Sometimes I have used a microphone, but since working as a communications assistant at CaptionCall, I've had to project sufficiently so that the headset/computer picks up everything I say. So, I've had to stretch the limits of my vocal cords. Doing that everyday for eight hours has given me more of a voice, so this year I am not using the microphone in my classes. We will see if I get any complaints. I can say that I have empathy for those who are viewed as quiet or any other "negative" label, but I also have empathy for those who have loud voices, and there are those at Sorenson CaptionCall who are reprimanded for being too loud. Yes, it happens.

My mother said to me the other day that she was concerned about my father because he didn't have a sense of humor. I was surprised when she called it a "disorder," and I corrected her and called it a "characteristic." It's unfortunate that we put quality with the labels, but I am not sure how we can overcome that entirely. In my view, disorder comes in when we belittle each other for their particular characteristics. For example, getting angry at someone for having a sense of humor or lack of is unproductive. Rather, we need to understand, accept, and adjust. Not easy, but it's what is required when dealing with people. It's possible that all those labels I was given when I was younger were true, but as life has progressed, I have grown out of them, or accepted them and learned strategies (the word educators use) to live with them. I have dropped the label of no self-confidence. I don't think it is part of me at all anymore, and those who think I am quiet really don't know the true me.

Since writing this in 2014, I have added to it with additional perspective on labels. Labels will come and go, some will have the potential to ruin our lives, but we have weaknesses to draw us closer to our Heavenly Father. He has said that if we humbly take our weaknesses to Him, He will make those weak things become strong. (Ether 12:27) I have seen this firsthand. 


 

Written in 2014 but published in 2016