Introduction – it has been a very busy time preparing for Erin
to leave for her mission to Tennessee. Since we are here speaking in Sacrament
meeting, the time must be getting close. I’m grateful that she has a desire to
serve. She will have wonderful experiences and will have the opportunity to
learn the Gospel and strengthen her testimony. Missions are wonderful in that
way. Erin’s faith in the Gospel never has faltered as she has gotten older. Early
in her life she was labeled as the peacemaker in our house, a gift she came to
earth with. As time has gone on I've seen her use that quality many times and I've
seen that quality develop. She also has the ability to make everyone feel
wonderful around her. These qualities will help her often in the mission
field. She has been a constant friend to me and I will miss her.
As a missionary, you have the opportunity to become a better person. As you teach and bear testimony of the truths of the Gospel, the Holy Ghost witnesses to you and to those you teach of the truthfulness of your message. Each witness strengthens your testimony and creates in you a more obedient heart. It is a wonderful blessing.
As a missionary, you have the opportunity to become a better person. As you teach and bear testimony of the truths of the Gospel, the Holy Ghost witnesses to you and to those you teach of the truthfulness of your message. Each witness strengthens your testimony and creates in you a more obedient heart. It is a wonderful blessing.
The topic given to us to speak about this month is "marriage
and family." Interestingly enough, Erin and I have struggled with this
topic. However, we wholeheartedly believe and endorse the Proclamation to the
Family in everything that it says. I have read this document several times in
preparation for this talk, and I testify to you that this document is the word
of God to his children. They are not new words, but they are a re-wording of
the plan God established in the beginning. While Adam and Eve were in the
Garden of Eden, they received this important plan that would go forward in the
world.
Gen. 3:16-20 - Unto the
woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow
thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he
shall rule over thee.
17 And
unto Adam he said, because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and
hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat
of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all
the days of thy life;
19 In
the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground;
for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou
return.
We have seen this pattern of family life continue throughout
the generations in all societies for 1000’s of years. Because of the obscuring
of this plan in more recent days through the designs of Satan, the
Lord thought it was necessary to reiterate this plan.
I have taken a lot of my remarks from the talk by Sis.
Bonnie Oscarson, entitled "Defenders of the Family Proclamation."
Sister Oscarson says, "There are three principles taught in the
proclamation which I think are especially in need of steadfast defenders. The
first is marriage between a man and a woman, the second is elevating the divine
roles of mothers and fathers, and the third is the sanctity of the home."
I will address each of these.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "that
marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is
central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children...
"The first commandment that God
gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and
wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and
replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded
that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and
woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
"We declare the means by which
mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life
and of its importance in God’s eternal plan...
"The
family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His
eternal plan."
The
trend toward anything other than this had been gradually changing until now the
world has given the word “family” a new definition. Let me say that I
know several people who experience same-sex attraction. They are good fun
talented people, and I acknowledge that it is a difficult trial. Members of the
church who have felt concern for individuals who experience same-sex attraction
have brought up the hope that the Church leaders will change to adopt the
definition of the world. They have used the arguments that the church changes
things all the time. Yes, the church does change things. In fact, it seems that
they change things more and more often in today’s world, but the doctrine
doesn't change. One specific example mentioned is the change that happened
when the blacks were given the priesthood. Let's look into this argument for a
minute.
During the first two decades of the Church’s existence, a few black men were ordained to the priesthood probably because the prophet Joseph Smith had no reason to question this. In 1850, the U.S. Congress created the Utah territory, and the U.S. President appointed Brigham Young to the position of territorial governor. Southerners who had converted to the Church and migrated to Utah with their slaves raised the question of slavery’s legal status in the territory. This is when Pres. Brigham Young went to the Lord in search of answers. In two speeches delivered before the Utah territorial legislature in January and February 1852, a fairly lengthy transcript that was difficult to read, Brigham Young announced a policy restricting men of black African descent from priesthood ordination. At the same time, President Young said that at some future day, black Church members would “have [all] the privilege and more” enjoyed by other members. He also made it known that the revelation he had received about the blacks and the priesthood was something that he could not change lest his eternal standing be in danger.
Now, comparing it, Elder Christofferson, one of our 12 apostles was interviewed by KUTV News after a Utah bill was passed to discourage discrimination to those of same-sex attraction. After several questions, the interviewer asked one final question. He said, "Obviously again, we have seen rhetoric from church leaders change or soften over time, is it possible would the church ever one day accept monogamous same-sex marriage or move further beyond the position that you are currently at?" Elder Christofferson answered, "I don't think so because that is such a fundamental aspect of what we see as the purpose of life. You know we talk about the plan of salvation, as we call it, that takes into account the pre-mortal existence, this current existence, and what comes hereafter, marriage between a man and a woman, the family that grows out of that, all of that is so fundamental to what has happened, what needs to happen here, what comes hereafter, that without it it falls apart, so I don't think we can take away the cornerstone without everything else coming down." The interviewer added, "Now, you say you don't think, are you leaving any room at all for... and Elder Christofferson finished with "No, no room...,"
An
understanding of the plan of our Father in Heaven makes it obvious the stance
the Church has taken, but beyond that still is the fact that His prophet and
apostles have taken a stance that, with faith, we must accept. God will not
allow a prophet to lead us astray. It was President Wilford Woodruff who, in
his closing years, made this statement: “I ask my Heavenly Father to pour out
his spirit upon me, as his servant, that in my advanced age, and during the few
days I have to spend here in the flesh, I may be led by his inspiration. I say
to Israel, the Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as
president of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is
not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that, the Lord would remove me out
of my place, and so he will any other man who attempts to lead the children of
men astray from his oracles of God and from their duty. …” (The Discourses
of Wilford Woodruff [Bookcraft, 1969], pp. 212–13.) The spirit testified to
me that this is true.
I love the Primary song "Keep the
Commandments.” It teaches simple truths about having faith in our leaders. It
says,
Keep the commandments; keep the commandments!
In this there is safety; in this there is peace.
He will send blessings; He will send blessings.
Words of a prophet: Keep the commandments.
In this there is safety and peace.
We are His children; we are His children,
And we must be tested to show we are true.
Hold to His promises; Hold to His promises,
Heeding the prophets: Keep the commandments.
In this there is safety and peace.”
Let’s look at the 2nd point, defending the roles of mother and father. As mentioned already, even before Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, her role in the scheme of things was outlined. Eve was our first role model, and throughout history women have held various places in the history of humanity. Now we are in the dispensation of the restitution of all things, “which God hath spoken by the mouth of all his holy prophets since the world began.” (Acts 3:20-21.) So, what types of things have been restored? The Gospel of Jesus Christ was restored with the priesthood and sealing powers. Also, the blacks were restored to being able to receive the priesthood, the Lamanite peoples are being restored to possess this land, and basic human rights are being restored to all individuals through the Constitution of the US, including to women. In fact, nearly every nation has adopted a similar constitution.
Now, when and where did women lose
basic human rights? Throughout history, her position has been disrespected. In
fact, the Old Testament contains some stories of how that society had
become a very wicked society, had developed disrespect toward women. (Judges) So,
during our dispensation women have been able to return to their rightful position
beside her husband in a position of equality. I mean that the two: husband and
wife are both equally important and deserving of respect. The Proclamation
says: “equal partners.” The move toward restitution has created laws for
women’s rights.
Women's
rights have changed the way husbands and wives look at their roles in the
family. So, the second point by Sis. Oscarson, elevating the divine roles of
fathers and mothers, should warrant our defense. The Proclamation states:
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and
righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and
protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the
nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and
mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk in 1987
entitled, “To the Fathers in Israel.” He said, As fathers in Israel, you have a
great responsibility to provide for the material needs of your family and to
have the necessary provisions in case of emergency.
Second, you have a sacred
responsibility to provide spiritual leadership in your family.
In a pamphlet published some years ago
by the Council of the Twelve, they said the following: “Fatherhood is
leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it
always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of
your eternal companion, you preside in the home” (Father, Consider Your
Ways, pamphlet, 1973, pp. 4–5).
However, along with that presiding
position come important obligations. We sometimes hear accounts of men, even in
the Church, who think that being head of the home somehow puts them in a
superior role and allows them to dictate and make demands upon their family.
The Apostle Paul points out that “the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church” (Eph. 5:23; italics added). That is the model we are to follow in our
role of presiding in the home. We do not find the Savior leading the Church
with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church with
disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using force or coercion to
accomplish His purposes. Nowhere do we find the Savior doing anything but that
which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. Brethren, I say to you
with all soberness, He is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual
lead in our families.
In October 1981 President Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk to
the women of the church. It was entitled "The Honored Place of
Women." In it he said, "I talk to you sisters on the honored place of
women in the eternal plan of our Heavenly Father.
Sound principles and eternal truths
need to be frequently repeated so that we do not forget their application nor
become dissuaded by other arguments. We must ever keep in mind that it is the
design of Satan to thwart the plan of our Eternal Father. The plan of the
adversary is to destroy the youth of the Church—the “rising generation,” as the
Book of Mormon calls them (see Alma 5:49)—and to destroy the family unit.
In the beginning, God placed a woman in
a companion role with the priesthood. God said, “It was not good that the man
should be alone; wherefore, I will make an help meet for him.” (Moses 3:18.)
Woman was given to man as an helpmeet.
That complementary association is ideally portrayed in the eternal marriage of
our first parents—Adam and Eve. They labored together; they had children
together; they prayed together; and they taught their children the gospel
together. This is the pattern God would have all righteous men and women
imitate.
Before the world was created, in
heavenly councils the pattern and role of women were prescribed. You were
elected by God to be wives and mothers in Zion. Exaltation in the celestial
kingdom is predicated on faithfulness to that calling.
Since the beginning, a woman’s first
and most important role has been ushering into mortality spirit sons and
daughters of our Father in Heaven.
Since the beginning, her role has been
to teach her children eternal gospel principles. She is to provide for her
children a haven of security and love—regardless of how modest her
circumstances might be.
In the beginning, Adam was instructed
to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow—not Eve. Contrary to conventional
wisdom, a mother’s place is in the home!
I remember this talk years ago because
I was there to hear it. It caused about as much uproar in the church as the
situation involving same-sex marriage. I wondered then as I do now where people's faith is.
I have always been an advocate for the
stay-at-home mom. Ask my children. My daughters, when asked in school what they
wanted to be, would say, "a mom." That did not get a favorable
response from the teacher asking the question. The other day I sat with my
children and explained to them a few ways that a mother who stays home with her
children and gives her all to them is doing the best career she could ever
dream of. First of all, there is no one dictating her time. She must create and
manage the job responsibilities herself. What a great learning and developing
process. I watch my daughter as she is making up the responsibilities of the
job for her family. It is not a menial endeavor. I watch her using the internet
that has become such a useful tool for getting ideas for organizing the house,
organizing time, cleaning, cooking, budgeting and managing the finances, and
trying to find solutions to problems that the children, their husbands and they
are having. Also, fellow moms and parenting courses and books help to educate.
And we cannot forget the importance of prayer as a priceless tool.
I have taught my children to seek a good marriage, someone
they can respect, admire, and love. I have told my girls to find men who have
the disposition, inclination and financial means (education usually
necessary) to support them so that they are able to stay home with
their children. I have taught my sons to prepare themselves to support
their families in a way that will allow their wives to be home with their
children. I have told them that, as a husband and father, they need to do
whatever it takes to keep that family going, even if it means doing something they
don’t enjoy. So, I’ve encouraged them to get an education in something that
will have the possibility of making good money and that they would enjoy. Yes,
education takes time and money, but school doesn't last forever and there is
always a way financially. It has not been as easy to convince my sons of their
responsibility. They like to roll their eyes at me; in fact, they might be
doing it now. It is important that the father model a good
example of his role in the family for their sons. It’s also important that the
mother model a good example of her role. I cannot be the role model for my
sons. Trust me, it is impossible. Mothers may claim to be successful at it, but
she cannot be that role model for her sons.
I loved being in the home with my children. I fought to keep
that job. It is gratifying to watch my daughter being a mother at home with her
children, having married a man who could make that possible. My own very
excellent mother attended a couple years of college but never finished a
degree. She was always a stay-at-home mom. She encouraged me to get an
education. So I went to college and got a degree. The leaders of the church,
also, have encouraged women to get an education. This far
into my life, I have asked myself, "Why should women get an
education?" I see a lot of young girls who actually put off forming
relationships with young men until they can finish their education. I also see
a lot of men expecting their wives to take care of them because the wife has
the education. Wives also feel compelled to use what they have spent so much
time and money to acquire - a career. I also see women who put off childbearing
for their careers.
What I am saying is we should be encouraging our daughters that
education is great but that they should seek motherhood as a career, to make
sure they have it in their sights. The education is to have tools to teach the
children. Sis. Oscarson mentioned a woman who went to her children’s school to
teach about her career as a mother and that she had to be an expert in medicine, psychology, religion, teaching, music,
literature, art, finance, decorating, hair styling, chauffeuring, sports,
culinary arts, and so much more. Now that takes education. Now that is a
full-time job.
I am grateful for my education. It has saved me amidst
several disasters, and I love to learn. There are many situations women
may find themselves in. Sis. Oscarson said, “it’s a good idea to have an
alternative plan in mind, which helps us to be covenant-keeping, charitable,
and righteous people (she was speaking to the women of the church) who build
the kingdom of God no matter which way our lives go. We need to teach everyone
to aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies.”
I am here to tell you that motherhood is not just about
giving birth, which job is exclusive to mothers, no matter how you try to
rationalize it, and motherhood continues throughout the family's life. Being
available for everything that may happen to those children is invaluable to
them. Being there for them in everything, every whimper, wail, groan,
giggle, and shout, preparing them for what is to come and being there for all
of their successes and failures. When my daughter got her wisdom teeth extracted
a few months ago, on my birthday no less, taking care of her put me back
in my element as a mother. I received a blessing a couple weeks ago, and in it
I was told that my children still needed my care.
Often, motherhood requires faith - faith that you can do the
job. Faith that you can learn how to do it. Faith requires an attitude of
belief that you are doing the right thing and then the action to carry it out. When
finances are slim, it takes even more faith, but doing the will of our Heavenly
Father will always bring miracles and blessings. Putting in a garden drew
miracles. What was produced from my gardens was amazing! My parents were always
in awe at my harvest. They had numerous reasons why my garden flourished. I
know it was my faith and God's miracles. We ate well.
The last principle that Sis. Oscarson said that we need to defend is
the sanctity of the home. She said, “We need to take a term which is sometimes
spoken of with derision and elevate it. It is the term “homemaker.”
All of us—women, men, youth, and children, single or married—can work at being
homemakers. We should “make our homes” places of order, refuge, holiness, and
safety. Our homes should be places where the Spirit of the Lord is felt in rich
abundance and where the scriptures and the gospel are studied, taught, and
lived. What a difference it would make in the world if all people would see
themselves as makers of righteous homes. Let us defend the home as a place
which is second only to the temple in holiness.”
In conclusion, Sis. Oscarson said, “Life rarely goes exactly
according to plan for anyone, and we are very aware that not all women, and I
am going to add men, are experiencing what the proclamation describes. It is
still important to understand and teach the Lord’s pattern and strive for the
realization of that pattern the best we can. Each of us has a part to
play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We
should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires
and will honor His promises, that nothing will be withheld from those who
faithfully keep their covenants. Heavenly Father has a mission and plan for
each of us, but He also has His own timetable. One of the hardest challenges in
this life is to have faith in the Lord’s timing.”
I can tell you from personal experience that it is difficult
to live a situation that is not the ideal of family as taught by the Gospel of
Jesus Christ. God’s plan is easier and better all the way around, but I can
tell you that if you remain faithful, the Lord will strengthen you with
abilities beyond your natural abilities and will strengthen your faith with
many tender mercies and will let you know that he is with you and knows you and
your situation. I pray that we may seek the blessings of family taught by our prophets and apostles. I pray that we may have the
faith to stick with the prophet in whatever situations we may find ourselves.
Bear testimony of family.
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