"Marriage and Family" - a review of the Proclamation to the Family - Talk for Erin's farewell

Introduction – it has been a very busy time preparing for Erin to leave for her mission to Tennessee. Since we are here speaking in Sacrament meeting, the time must be getting close. I’m grateful that she has a desire to serve. She will have wonderful experiences and will have the opportunity to learn the Gospel and strengthen her testimony. Missions are wonderful in that way. Erin’s faith in the Gospel never has faltered as she has gotten older. Early in her life she was labeled as the peacemaker in our house, a gift she came to earth with. As time has gone on I've seen her use that quality many times and I've seen that quality develop. She also has the ability to make everyone feel wonderful around her. These qualities will help her often in the mission field. She has been a constant friend to me and I will miss her.  

As a missionary, you have the opportunity to become a better person. As you teach and bear testimony of the truths of the Gospel, the Holy Ghost witnesses to you and to those you teach of the truthfulness of your message. Each witness strengthens your testimony and creates in you a more obedient heart. It is a wonderful blessing.

The topic given to us to speak about this month is "marriage and family." Interestingly enough, Erin and I have struggled with this topic. However, we wholeheartedly believe and endorse the Proclamation to the Family in everything that it says. I have read this document several times in preparation for this talk, and I testify to you that this document is the word of God to his children. They are not new words, but they are a re-wording of the plan God established in the beginning. While Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, they received this important plan that would go forward in the world.   

Gen. 3:16-20 - Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

 17 And unto Adam he said, because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

 18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

 19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

 20 And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

We have seen this pattern of family life continue throughout the generations in all societies for 1000’s of years. Because of the obscuring of this plan in more recent days through the designs of Satan, the Lord thought it was necessary to reiterate this plan.

I have taken a lot of my remarks from the talk by Sis. Bonnie Oscarson, entitled "Defenders of the Family Proclamation." Sister Oscarson says, "There are three principles taught in the proclamation which I think are especially in need of steadfast defenders. The first is marriage between a man and a woman, the second is elevating the divine roles of mothers and fathers, and the third is the sanctity of the home." I will address each of these.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children...

"The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

"We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan...

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan."

The trend toward anything other than this had been gradually changing until now the world has given the word “family” a new definition.  Let me say that I know several people who experience same-sex attraction. They are good fun talented people, and I acknowledge that it is a difficult trial. Members of the church who have felt concern for individuals who experience same-sex attraction have brought up the hope that the Church leaders will change to adopt the definition of the world. They have used the arguments that the church changes things all the time. Yes, the church does change things. In fact, it seems that they change things more and more often in today’s world, but the doctrine doesn't change. One specific example mentioned is the change that happened when the blacks were given the priesthood. Let's look into this argument for a minute.

During the first two decades of the Church’s existence, a few black men were ordained to the priesthood probably because the prophet Joseph Smith had no reason to question this. In 1850, the U.S. Congress created the Utah territory, and the U.S. President appointed Brigham Young to the position of territorial governor. Southerners who had converted to the Church and migrated to Utah with their slaves raised the question of slavery’s legal status in the territory. This is when Pres. Brigham Young went to the Lord in search of answers. In two speeches delivered before the Utah territorial legislature in January and February 1852, a fairly lengthy transcript that was difficult to read, Brigham Young announced a policy restricting men of black African descent from priesthood ordination. At the same time, President Young said that at some future day, black Church members would “have [all] the privilege and more” enjoyed by other members. He also made it known that the revelation he had received about the blacks and the priesthood was something that he could not change lest his eternal standing be in danger.

Now, comparing it, Elder Christofferson, one of our 12 apostles was interviewed by KUTV News after a Utah bill was passed to discourage discrimination to those of same-sex attraction. After several questions, the interviewer asked one final question. He said, "Obviously again, we have seen rhetoric from church leaders change or soften over time, is it possible would the church ever one day accept monogamous same-sex marriage or move further beyond the position that you are currently at?"  Elder Christofferson answered, "I don't think so because that is such a fundamental aspect of what we see as the purpose of life. You know we talk about the plan of salvation, as we call it, that takes into account the pre-mortal existence, this current existence, and what comes hereafter, marriage between a man and a woman, the family that grows out of that, all of that is so fundamental to what has happened, what needs to happen here, what comes hereafter, that without it it falls apart, so I don't think we can take away the cornerstone without everything else coming down."  The interviewer added, "Now, you say you don't think, are you leaving any room at all for... and Elder Christofferson finished with "No, no room...,"

An understanding of the plan of our Father in Heaven makes it obvious the stance the Church has taken, but beyond that still is the fact that His prophet and apostles have taken a stance that, with faith, we must accept. God will not allow a prophet to lead us astray. It was President Wilford Woodruff who, in his closing years, made this statement: “I ask my Heavenly Father to pour out his spirit upon me, as his servant, that in my advanced age, and during the few days I have to spend here in the flesh, I may be led by his inspiration. I say to Israel, the Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as president of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that, the Lord would remove me out of my place, and so he will any other man who attempts to lead the children of men astray from his oracles of God and from their duty. …” (The Discourses of Wilford Woodruff [Bookcraft, 1969], pp. 212–13.) The spirit testified to me that this is true.

I love the Primary song "Keep the Commandments.” It teaches simple truths about having faith in our leaders. It says, 

Keep the commandments; keep the commandments!

In this there is safety; in this there is peace.

He will send blessings; He will send blessings.

Words of a prophet: Keep the commandments.

In this there is safety and peace.

We are His children; we are His children,

And we must be tested to show we are true.

Hold to His promises; Hold to His promises,

Heeding the prophets: Keep the commandments.

In this there is safety and peace.”

Let’s look at the 2^nd point, defending the roles of mother and father. As mentioned already, even before Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, her role in the scheme of things was outlined. Eve was our first role model, and throughout history women have held various places in the history of humanity. Now we are in the dispensation of the restitution of all things, “which God hath spoken by the mouth of all his holy prophets since the world began.” (Acts 3:20-21.)  So, what types of things have been restored? The Gospel of Jesus Christ was restored with the priesthood and sealing powers. Also, the blacks were restored to being able to receive the priesthood, the Lamanite peoples are being restored to possess this land, and basic human rights are being restored to all individuals through the Constitution of the US, including to women. In fact, nearly every nation has adopted a similar constitution.

Now, when and where did women lose basic human rights? Throughout history, her position has been disrespected. In fact, the Old Testament contains some stories of how that society had become a very wicked society, had developed disrespect toward women. (Judges) So, during our dispensation women have been able to return to their rightful position beside her husband in a position of equality. I mean that the two: husband and wife are both equally important and deserving of respect. The Proclamation says: “equal partners.” The move toward restitution has created laws for women’s rights.

Women's rights have changed the way husbands and wives look at their roles in the family. So, the second point by Sis. Oscarson, elevating the divine roles of fathers and mothers, should warrant our defense. The Proclamation states: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk in 1987 entitled, “To the Fathers in Israel.” He said, As fathers in Israel, you have a great responsibility to provide for the material needs of your family and to have the necessary provisions in case of emergency.

Second, you have a sacred responsibility to provide spiritual leadership in your family.

In a pamphlet published some years ago by the Council of the Twelve, they said the following: “Fatherhood is leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of your eternal companion, you preside in the home” (Father, Consider Your Ways, pamphlet, 1973, pp. 4–5).

However, along with that presiding position come important obligations. We sometimes hear accounts of men, even in the Church, who think that being head of the home somehow puts them in a superior role and allows them to dictate and make demands upon their family.

The Apostle Paul points out that “the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:23; italics added). That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home. We do not find the Savior leading the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church with disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using force or coercion to accomplish His purposes. Nowhere do we find the Savior doing anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families.

In October 1981 President Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk to the women of the church. It was entitled "The Honored Place of Women." In it he said, "I talk to you sisters on the honored place of women in the eternal plan of our Heavenly Father.

Sound principles and eternal truths need to be frequently repeated so that we do not forget their application nor become dissuaded by other arguments. We must ever keep in mind that it is the design of Satan to thwart the plan of our Eternal Father. The plan of the adversary is to destroy the youth of the Church—the “rising generation,” as the Book of Mormon calls them (see Alma 5:49)—and to destroy the family unit.

In the beginning, God placed a woman in a companion role with the priesthood. God said, “It was not good that the man should be alone; wherefore, I will make an help meet for him.” (Moses 3:18.)

Woman was given to man as an helpmeet. That complementary association is ideally portrayed in the eternal marriage of our first parents—Adam and Eve. They labored together; they had children together; they prayed together; and they taught their children the gospel together. This is the pattern God would have all righteous men and women imitate.

Before the world was created, in heavenly councils the pattern and role of women were prescribed. You were elected by God to be wives and mothers in Zion. Exaltation in the celestial kingdom is predicated on faithfulness to that calling.

Since the beginning, a woman’s first and most important role has been ushering into mortality spirit sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven.

Since the beginning, her role has been to teach her children eternal gospel principles. She is to provide for her children a haven of security and love—regardless of how modest her circumstances might be.

In the beginning, Adam was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow—not Eve. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother’s place is in the home!

I remember this talk years ago because I was there to hear it. It caused about as much uproar in the church as the situation involving same-sex marriage. I wondered then as I do now where  people's faith is.

I have always been an advocate for the stay-at-home mom. Ask my children. My daughters, when asked in school what they wanted to be, would say, "a mom." That did not get a favorable response from the teacher asking the question. The other day I sat with my children and explained to them a few ways that a mother who stays home with her children and gives her all to them is doing the best career she could ever dream of. First of all, there is no one dictating her time. She must create and manage the job responsibilities herself. What a great learning and developing process. I watch my daughter as she is making up the responsibilities of the job for her family. It is not a menial endeavor. I watch her using the internet that has become such a useful tool for getting ideas for organizing the house, organizing time, cleaning, cooking, budgeting and managing the finances, and trying to find solutions to problems that the children, their husbands and they are having. Also, fellow moms and parenting courses and books help to educate. And we cannot forget the importance of prayer as a priceless tool.

I have taught my children to seek a good marriage, someone they can respect, admire, and love. I have told my girls to find men who have the disposition, inclination and financial means (education usually necessary) to support them so that they are able to stay home with their children. I have taught my sons to prepare themselves to support their families in a way that will allow their wives to be home with their children. I have told them that, as a husband and father, they need to do whatever it takes to keep that family going, even if it means doing something they don’t enjoy. So, I’ve encouraged them to get an education in something that will have the possibility of making good money and that they would enjoy. Yes, education takes time and money, but school doesn't last forever and there is always a way financially. It has not been as easy to convince my sons of their responsibility. They like to roll their eyes at me; in fact, they might be doing it now. It is important that the father model a good example of his role in the family for their sons. It’s also important that the mother model a good example of her role. I cannot be the role model for my sons. Trust me, it is impossible. Mothers may claim to be successful at it, but she cannot be that role model for her sons.

I loved being in the home with my children. I fought to keep that job. It is gratifying to watch my daughter being a mother at home with her children, having married a man who could make that possible. My own very excellent mother attended a couple years of college but never finished a degree. She was always a stay-at-home mom. She encouraged me to get an education. So I went to college and got a degree. The leaders of the church, also, have encouraged women to get an education. This far into my life, I have asked myself, "Why should women get an education?" I see a lot of young girls who actually put off forming relationships with young men until they can finish their education. I also see a lot of men expecting their wives to take care of them because the wife has the education. Wives also feel compelled to use what they have spent so much time and money to acquire - a career. I also see women who put off childbearing for their careers.

What I am saying is we should be encouraging our daughters that education is great but that they should seek motherhood as a career, to make sure they have it in their sights. The education is to have tools to teach the children. Sis. Oscarson mentioned a woman who went to her children’s school to teach about her career as a mother and that she had to be an expert in medicine, psychology, religion, teaching, music, literature, art, finance, decorating, hair styling, chauffeuring, sports, culinary arts, and so much more. Now that takes education. Now that is a full-time job.

I am grateful for my education. It has saved me amidst several disasters, and I love to learn. There are many situations women may find themselves in. Sis. Oscarson said, “it’s a good idea to have an alternative plan in mind, which helps us to be covenant-keeping, charitable, and righteous people (she was speaking to the women of the church) who build the kingdom of God no matter which way our lives go. We need to teach everyone to aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies.”

I am here to tell you that motherhood is not just about giving birth, which job is exclusive to mothers, no matter how you try to rationalize it, and motherhood continues throughout the family's life. Being available for everything that may happen to those children is invaluable to them. Being there for them in everything, every whimper, wail, groan, giggle, and shout, preparing them for what is to come and being there for all of their successes and failures. When my daughter got her wisdom teeth extracted a few months ago, on my birthday no less, taking care of her put me back in my element as a mother. I received a blessing a couple weeks ago, and in it I was told that my children still needed my care.

Often, motherhood requires faith - faith that you can do the job. Faith that you can learn how to do it. Faith requires an attitude of belief that you are doing the right thing and then the action to carry it out. When finances are slim, it takes even more faith, but doing the will of our Heavenly Father will always bring miracles and blessings. Putting in a garden drew miracles. What was produced from my gardens was amazing! My parents were always in awe at my harvest. They had numerous reasons why my garden flourished. I know it was my faith and God's miracles. We ate well.  

The last principle that Sis. Oscarson said that we need to defend is the sanctity of the home. She said, “We need to take a term which is sometimes spoken of with derision and elevate it. It is the term “homemaker.” All of us—women, men, youth, and children, single or married—can work at being homemakers. We should “make our homes” places of order, refuge, holiness, and safety. Our homes should be places where the Spirit of the Lord is felt in rich abundance and where the scriptures and the gospel are studied, taught, and lived. What a difference it would make in the world if all people would see themselves as makers of righteous homes. Let us defend the home as a place which is second only to the temple in holiness.”

In conclusion, Sis. Oscarson said, “Life rarely goes exactly according to plan for anyone, and we are very aware that not all women, and I am going to add men, are experiencing what the proclamation describes. It is still important to understand and teach the Lord’s pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can.  Each of us has a part to play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises, that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants. Heavenly Father has a mission and plan for each of us, but He also has His own timetable. One of the hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in the Lord’s timing.”

I can tell you from personal experience that it is difficult to live a situation that is not the ideal of family as taught by the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God’s plan is easier and better all the way around, but I can tell you that if you remain faithful, the Lord will strengthen you with abilities beyond your natural abilities and will strengthen your faith with many tender mercies and will let you know that he is with you and knows you and your situation. I pray that we may seek the blessings of family taught by our prophets and apostles. I pray that we may have the faith to stick with the prophet in whatever situations we may find ourselves.

Bear testimony of family.

"Confessions of a Shopaholic" or How to Shop for your Body Type

With great frequency new styles of clothing appear on the racks in the stores. Every winter and summer we watch to see what the fashion "experts" think we should be wearing, and without fail, we add to our wardrobes something that will make us look up-to-date. Unfortunately, not all of it will enhance, in fact, a lot of it detracts from, the unique shape of an individual body.

Detraction can be seen, for example, in old saggy arms exposed in a sleeveless dress, a bouncy rear end that is jiggling in a pair of tight stretch pants, two or three stomach tires drooping in a knit shirt and low rise jeans, mounds of body bulging out of a tight shirt, even bony legs in jeggings and a skin tight top that makes even the skinniest reveal their lack of bustline, a double chin or rolls of neck set off by a wide neckline. If you think I am focusing on undesirable body parts, you're right. Every person has one or more of them at some time or another in their life. So, if a body part is undesirable, why emphasize it in choice of clothing?

Any body will look fatter or bigger than it really is when the clothing is tight against it just because tight clothes actually don't fit. Cotton or polyester jersey knit and rayon materials tend to be clingy and reveal every curve and shape. Heavier fabrics such as denims, corduroys, and linens keep their shape rather than take on the shape they are next to. Hips too wide can be camouflaged with a shirt that creates a vertical line from shoulder to hip. Shoulders too narrow need shirts that are designed with wide shoulder seams and sleeves that begin down the arm. Pudgy legs should not wear shorts or tight pants. All of these body parts can be de-emphasized with proper clothing choices.

Low-rise or mid-rise, now the norm, have changed the way women wear pants. (Someone please tell me why they were invented. I lived for 50 years wearing pants up to my waist, and now pants to the waist are considered weird. By the way, I still wear pants up to my waist.) Low-rise or mid-rise look good only on slim bodies because the pants aren't going to stay up unless they are tight, which tightness usually makes the stomach protrude creating a roll around the waistline (a characteristic distressingly common in this generation of female bodies). A few years ago women wore pants up to their waist, and the stomach was supported by the fabric and zipper and perhaps even a belt. Now, nothing is supporting that stomach, and in fact, revealing a roll of fat that most women would consider to be embarrassing.

I have wide shoulders. On the surface that wouldn't seem like an undesirable body part, but shopping for those shoulders can be frustrating. If I buy a shirt to fit the width of my shoulders, which would also be the comfortable thing to do, usually the body of the shirt is huge, looking frumpy. And vice versa, to buy a shirt that fits my body requires that my shoulders be unfitted. Instead, I have found that raglan sleeves de-emphasize that width and create a slimming, attractive line extending to the hip.

I also have long legs which are out of proportion with my upper body. So that I don't appear to have "all legs," I must avoid tucking shirts in at my waist, instead wearing shirts that extend over my hips. The longer shirt gives the illusory effect of lengthening my upper body and shortening my legs.

As I have aged, I have had to avoid wearing short sleeves. They reveal my droopy, less than toned arms. I also find myself preferring long pants to shorts because my legs aren't as youthful as they used to be.

In this world of casual dress t-shirts, I have to remember to wear tops that give me a waistline. I have one that is designed to do that, and I always get compliments when I wear it. Not strange to hear then that I bought two more of them.

A TV program that aired for several years on the TLC channel called "What Not to Wear" was an excellent vehicle for tips in attractive dressing. There were many women who came on the show with body types that had challenging problems, but the MC's were able to resolve all of them. Therefore, finding the right look may take some searching, turning down desired styles may be necessary, buying nice looking clothing may increase the budget, but everyone can find something that enhances rather than detracts from their natural beauty.