Life Lessons Learned about the Principle of Free Agency

Life's struggles can be full of heartache, but they can also be the teachers of important lessons. A lesson I learned through many years of struggle is the importance of the principle of free agency. As members of the LDS church know, free agency is "the ability and privilege God gives people to choose and to act for themselves." In the pre-mortal existence, we actually fought to keep this privilege. Lucifer suggested an alternative plan to God's that would have nullified our ability to choose to return to our Heavenly Father or not. Instead, he suggested a plan that would guarantee that all of God's children would return. On the surface, Lucifer's plan appears the ideal - why would it be bad? On the contrary, it was not the ultimate purpose. The purpose of God's plan was to find out what each of us is made of.

As we descended to this earthly life, we gained bodies, lost remembrance of our previous existence, and received direction that we should faithfully uphold; we were given the opportunity to prove ourselves. Our Heavenly Father wanted to see if we would be willing to be directed by spiritual influences or earthly influences. Would we conform to higher law or would we rebel or ignore it? Following our Heavenly Father's plan would mean that many would fail the test and not return to Him. To effectuate His plan would require that we be given our free agency, freedom to choose.

It's amazing how often our freedom is tampered with. Throughout history, governments have forced their citizens to live a certain way. Leaders have passed laws that took away freedoms. Society has developed rules that took away the freedom of certain groups. Employers have worked their employees like slaves. Wives have been oppressed by husbands and vice versa. Children have lost their will in the face of parental controls. Some call people who swap freedoms as controlling. There are many ways to be controlling: silence, anger, withholding privileges, issuing demands and ultimatums, etc. and many more.

I realized I had lost my free agency when I finally had it returned to me. The lack of agency made me question myself, my role in this life, my testimony, and about every other thing. I found it difficult to live the Gospel. Happiness was contrived. For anyone to accept the Gospel, free agency is necessary. No one should have their freedom taken from them. Now that freedom is flourishing, I try to safeguard it for myself and everyone around me.

Gilmore Girls and the Fascination with Mormons...

The TV series, Gilmore Girls (2000-2008), is a story set in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, (a fictitious location) in the same time period that it was filmed. My daughter introduced the show to me. It is light and entertaining but also presents several sides to the human experience. There are issues between the rich and the working class, issues of working women vs. the stay-at-home woman of the house, issues condoning premarital sex vs. abstinence from sex until marriage, issues of religion vs. non-religion, issues of education vs. no education, issues of single parenting, issues of eating healthy vs. eating fast foods, issues of parenting. And what father would ever be okay with looking at his daughter's cleavage? As the story progresses, we find it easy to root for Lorelai and Rory, by whom the liberal side of all of those issues is made to appear better and not unreasonable, while the conservative side is made to seem ridiculous. Lorelai's mother is portrayed without a heart and beyond controlling, and Lane's mother lives her part as the inane orthodox religionist. Underneath the pervading viewpoint, Lorelai, at one point, revels over the fact that her daughter "is the good one" when Rory reveals to Paris that she has never had premarital sex. Lane, although she fought her mother's conservative principles and disobeyed most of her mother's rules, cannot give herself to Zach when they are dating or engaged because of what she had been taught through her life. Emily and Richard, Lorelai's parents, have a lasting, happy marriage amidst trials.


Although there are conflicting issues throughout the series, one idea is a constant theme agreed upon by all sides, and that theme is that "it is imperative to communicate everything that goes on in one's life." This seemingly simplistic idea is one I don't agree with. I have been aware of people who complained of not being told something, and I have wondered, "Well, why are they required to tell you?" Having felt wrath or belittlement from people who were upset with me because I didn't tell them personal information (at all or soon enough), I must say, "Where does it say that I must tell anyone within a certain time limit about things that are happening in my life?" If they think I have been amiss, they ought to first consider why I might be unwilling to divulge information. What kind of relationship invites open interaction...  Not every relationship deserves that, and surely, not everyone can demand that. Yes, I realize that if I were to tell what news I may have freely, I would avoid their wrath, but their wrath should never be a reason I do anything. They should just be happy to hear my news however or whenever because I am going to give them exactly the same consideration. Also, being fine with waiting to hear develops respect and trust that might eventually result in a relationship where the parties feel comfortable sharing any information.


The show also has an infatuation with or need to ridicule Mormonism. (After all, during some of this time Romney was running for president.) There are seven episodes in which Mormons are mentioned.



1. Season 2, Episode 2:  Lorelai said to Rory, "...reminisce about how I never forced you to become a missionary." They didn't actually refer to Mormon missionaries, but which church has the greatest organization of missionaries?



2. Season 3, Episode 7:  Jaxon said, "I didn't realize I was a Mormon." He was referring to polygamy because Sookie and Lorelai were both putting in their opinions about how many children Sookie should have.



3. Season 4, Episode 9:  Lorelai pours an alcoholic beverage into a cup and asks her dad, "How's that?" He responds, "Oh, that's fine if we were in Utah."



4. Season 4, Episode 10: Tobin said, "I moved to Utah because I heard there were a  lot of job opportunities for industrious Mormons." Lorelai questioned, "I didn't know you were a Mormon?" Tobin replied, "I wasn't so I became one. The paperwork took weeks. And I didn't know about the alcohol thing." Lorelai interjected, "They famously abstain." Tobin continued, "No coffee, either. The choir was fabulous, but then there's the funny underwear. It didn't last. I spent a lot of time online when I was a Mormon. There wasn't much else to do."



5. Season 5, Episode 6:  Paris says to Rory, "You want to go check out the Mormon bingo around 5th?"



6. Season 5, Episode 10:  In a speed dating event at which both Paris and Doyle found themselves, Doyle says to Paris, about the previous suitor, "I believe the words Latter-day Saints were about to come out of her mouth."


7. Season 6, Episode 10:  Lorelai says to Rory, "The last time they triple-teamed me with a priest, a rabbi, and a Mormon missionary."


Although this show seems to glorify issues or condone behaviors that I don't approve of, and I have often thought that I should find something better to watch, it has taken me through several mass grading sessions of term papers. I tune to the show and have it on in the background, with volume low, while I read and correct term papers, coming up for air and breaks to see where we are in the seven-year story. I don't know how many times I have watched through the entire series, but, watching it so many times, I've realized some very profound moments of dialogue and plot that the writers may not have even been aware of. I can always find a silver lining.

Living with Labels - Disney's "Aladdin"

I teach MUSC 1040, United States Music and Culture, at Salt Lake Community College. As part of the curriculum, the review of two textbooks is required. One of the textbooks is a discussion about social problems and how music has influenced them and vice versa. One of the chapters talks about "deviant behavior." It presents the argument that deviant behavior is associated with music, musicians, and fans of certain music genres. So, what is deviant behavior? The textbook explains it as behavior that is out of the norm. The textbook identifies drug use, sexual promiscuity, sexual disorientation, Satanism, swearing, etc. to be out of the norm for musicians. Psychologists, sociologists, and religionists can identify more than this to be out of the norm for human beings. We are left to wonder what behavior is the norm?

Deviant behavior is identified when someone decides that a certain behavior could be a problem. Deviant groups are formed in the following steps:

1) a behavioral problem is identified
2) people are found who do that behavior and are labeled as deviant
3) those people feel labeled and act out that behavior
4) those people find others who do that same behavior; they associate and become a group.

Bringing it to a personal level, I've asked in my classes who has been given labels, and it is interesting how the hands shoot up. Everyone is labeled at one time or another. Many of us spend our entire lives overcoming labels we've received. So, what do these kids feel labeled about? Being inactive at church, being a rebel, being stupid, being slow, being quiet, being a nerd (which has now become a generational thing; being called a nerd in my generation is still considered an insult, while nerds to my children's generation are highly admired), being irresponsible and lazy, being liberal or conservative, being sinful, not religious, having autism, ADHD, Asperger’s, etc. There are so many things psychologists have identified as not normal behaviors.

Aladdin and the song “One Jump Ahead” perfectly illustrates how labeling works and how labeling an individual as deviant can result in more deviance. Some of the more important lyrics in the song are: “I steal only what I can’t afford, that’s everything,” “Stop thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal! Let’s not be too hasty….gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat, otherwise we’d get along” and finally “riff, raff, street rat, I don’t buy that, if only they’d look closer, would they see a poor boy? No-siree, they’d find out there’s so much more to me.”

When I was growing up, I was labeled as smart, quiet, gullible, talented, thin, introverted, passive, and lacking self-confidence. The new idea being passed around by psychologists then was that a person needed to be aggressive and self-confident to become anything or accomplish anything in life. Well, in my present situation I wasn't going to be doing anything. To address my quietness, my mother had me read to her while she sat two rooms away. Basically, I had to scream. If that didn't cement in me the idea that being quiet wasn't good...  I hated it when people told me I was quiet. That always dredged up how bad I was; it meant I was incapable of functioning, as I had been programmed to believe.

My lack of self-confidence was an issue I had to deal with. I don't know how I got through school without it despite the fact that I was also labeled as "smart." When I was hired on to my first job as a secretary, I had to answer the phone. Oh man, I did not know what to say or how to answer their questions past the initial introduction. It showed off my lack of self-confidence in the extreme. To my surprise, after three years of suffering through answering a business phone, I realized I wasn't suffering so much; it had become easier. I didn't dread it so much, and I actually became good at it. Ah-hah, so, it wasn't my lack of self-confidence! It was my lack of experience. I came up with the saying that "confidence comes by experience," a motto that has helped me through many struggles.

I served a mission to Costa Rica-San Jose. There I encountered some of the same labels, but while there, I made three goals for myself. My LTM companions, Melanee (Anderson) Sainsbury, and Vicki (Spence) Stith, made three also, and we shared them amongst ourselves.  Mine were: 1) to acquire a firm solid knowledge of the Gospel; 2) gain confidence in myself; and 3) develop a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. When I returned from my mission, I realized I had been blessed with having accomplished all three of the goals. In regards to #2, occasionally people tried to undermine my confidence or tell me I was cocky or some such thing. I even tried to lose it on one occasion, but finally learned to ignore those labels because I couldn't agree with them. It was a gift I had been given, the gift of confidence in myself, and I had to continue on in my life using it to "become something" and "accomplish something."

I appreciate all the compliments I receive from people about being talented, but I look at it in a completely different way than most people mean it. Some people have called it a God-given talent, but I can play the piano well because I worked many years practicing that skill. My Heavenly Father provided the means through my parents and teachers, and my learning was affected by the things that my “intelligence” came to earth with (perhaps stick-to-it-tiveness or perfectionism), which each of us have, according to the Pearl of Great Price. Divine help was there to buoy me up when the going got rough and to help me see a way to accomplish what I needed to do, but I had to put in the work. Anyone could do the same. There are also aspects of my piano playing that are and always have been frustrating to me. For example, I struggle with speed. It's possible that my "perfectionism" gets in the way. My Heavenly Father has always let me know when I am thinking too highly of my abilities. Therefore, my ability is to be used for good, as quoted in my patriarchal blessing, and always to lift and support others.

I still am gullible, and I accept that. I also tend to be introverted still. I came out of that condition significantly on my mission, but I have slipped back into my natural self. I presently work at CC, and I can spend an entire day not talking to anyone and be fine, but I also know that when occasion calls for it, I can tap into some latent extrovert behavior to get the job done.

Being labeled smart would probably seem to be a good thing. After all, doesn't everyone want that label? Certainly being considered stupid or slow, opposites to smart, would tear at someone's psyche in a way that could be irreparable, and many negative labels given in childhood need to be dropped. While in college I had to come to terms with my "smarts." I distinctly remember facing the possibility of not being able to live up to that label. I came to realize that I was not smart about everything. There were a lot of subjects I knew nothing about and would never know about, and as I get older, this continues to become apparent, as my field of knowledge narrows. I had to learn how to deal with not knowing something and how to react to others around me. Feeling embarrassment for not knowing something made me figure out how to accept not knowing in myself. Also, being derided for not knowing something made me realize I never wanted to belittle someone for their lack of "knowledge." Again, experience usually dictates what someone knows, what they have done, where they have been, what they have been exposed to.

Still, I was called "quiet." Somehow, as "quiet" as I was, I got jobs, went on a mission, completed school, got married and had kids, and have maintained a piano business for years. Eventually, when my kids got older, I realized that some of them had inherited their dad's voice, and I realized that I had done exactly that, inherited my dad's voice, but I hadn't given myself permission to accept that idea before then. I also inherited my dad's hypoglycemia, and if ever that got out of whack, there went my voice even more. Since I've had the job of teaching at SLCC, I've had to make sure my voice projects, and I've had to make sure my hypoglycemia is stable so that my voice works. Sometimes I have used a microphone, but since working as a communications assistant at CaptionCall, I've had to project sufficiently so that the headset/computer picks up everything I say. So, I've had to stretch the limits of my vocal cords. Doing that everyday for eight hours has given me more of a voice, so this year I am not using the microphone in my classes. We will see if I get any complaints. I can say that I have empathy for those who are viewed as quiet or any other "negative" label, but I also have empathy for those who have loud voices, and there are those at Sorenson CaptionCall who are reprimanded for being too loud. Yes, it happens.

My mother said to me the other day that she was concerned about my father because he didn't have a sense of humor. I was surprised when she called it a "disorder," and I corrected her and called it a "characteristic." It's unfortunate that we put quality with the labels, but I am not sure how we can overcome that entirely. In my view, disorder comes in when we belittle each other for their particular characteristics. For example, getting angry at someone for having a sense of humor or lack of is unproductive. Rather, we need to understand, accept, and adjust. Not easy, but it's what is required when dealing with people. It's possible that all those labels I was given when I was younger were true, but as life has progressed, I have grown out of them, or accepted them and learned strategies (the word educators use) to live with them. I have dropped the label of no self-confidence. I don't think it is part of me at all anymore, and those who think I am quiet really don't know the true me.

Since writing this in 2014, I have added to it with additional perspective on labels. Labels will come and go, some will have the potential to ruin our lives, but we have weaknesses to draw us closer to our Heavenly Father. He has said that if we humbly take our weaknesses to Him, He will make those weak things become strong. (Ether 12:27) I have seen this firsthand. 


 

Written in 2014 but published in 2016

Writing Puzzles - "Premonition" or "The Illusionist" or "A Beautiful Mind" or "Deja Vu"

In all the years that I have been grading term papers, I have graded very few that have been written well. I think the school systems could do a better job of teaching these skills because being able to write is an important skill. With texting, emails, blogs, and every type of social media, writing is key in all of them. Unfortunately, abbreviations and shortcuts, improper punctuation and capitalization are norms for these mediums. I see these norms transferred to scholarly papers all the time. Sure, the new norms for the internet mediums are handy, but there must be a compartmentalization of writing techniques.

I've asked the few students who have written an excellent paper where they learned to write, and the following are their responses:  my dad or mom or sister-in-law was an English major (although sometimes being an English major has produced quite opposite results), I took AP English classes, I read a lot, I've learned a foreign language.

My own background in writing was fueled by my mother who is an English buff. In my 7th and 8th grades, I had a teacher by the name of Ms. Gorsline, who required that I write a 200-word composition each week. Doing that one year was bad enough, but when I had her for a second year, I was doomed. I didn't do well in the class. It wasn't until she explained how to format the compositions that my grades improved slightly, but still, there was no instruction in grammar that I recall. At one point into the second year, I had had my fill of compositions, and could not write one more, so my mother decided to write it for me that week. Ms. Gorsline usually gave us a topic, but once a quarter we were allowed to choose our own. This was the week we could choose. My mother chose to write about the wind storm we had just endured, which was a common occurrence in Boulder, Colorado. The title of the paper was "January 7th." When Ms. Gorsline returned the papers, she read the titles of each one, and her voice inflected the mystery of that date. My mother got an "A," and my composition grades for the rest of the year, even though it was me writing in my usual 8th grade hand, were markedly improved. (And that is a subject for another blog.)

My mother continued to encourage me to learn English grammar, and in fact, in my senior year of high school, by her suggestion, I took an independent study English grammar course (the course was on the curriculum list for English), attended by only me and taught by an occasional instructor who checked in on me. I basically studied a textbook. It's amazing I learned anything, especially since the textbook wasn't well written. I don't remember anything I learned from it.  I learned punctuation from my shorthand book, which presented a rule at the end of each chapter. I studied another small grammar book after I graduated from high school. I also studied Spanish from 3rd grade through my freshman year of college. It wasn't until my freshman year that I had an excellent textbook that, in a very organized manner, presented the Spanish language grammar rules. I still own the book.

I've read a fair amount in my life, which has only helped my writing because copying the mechanics is a viable way to learn, but skill in writing doesn't come automatically at a certain age. In fact, it's not until after high school that young people start to have thoughts worth thinking and opinions of their own. So, I've learned I need to give a pass to many young people who are right out of high school. Still, they need to learn the mechanics sometime.

The listed movies, if viewed, will give an audience a challenge in deciphering as the mystery unfolds.

Today, I like to write almost more than I like to converse. I find writing to be a catharsis to the problems I face and to the issues in this world. It helps get things off my mind. I imagine it as a great puzzle - putting the pieces (words) together to make a beautiful picture (story). Oh, I like doing puzzles, too.

"Motherhood" - Erin's talks for her farewells

My sister wrote some thoughts on being a mother. She said, “I’ve only been a mother for five years, and it’s tough. My experience was made even harder by my post-partum depression, but even still I love the little things that make motherhood wonderful.

Holding little tiny hands, as they learn to walk with your support. Feeling those hands grow, and marveling at how tall they get in such a short amount of time. Marveling at how they used to fit inside you.

All the hugs from tiny arms that fit perfectly around your neck, and all the cuddles, with their head upon your chest. (Learning how to not breathe, so as to not disturb their precious sleep, and realizing that other parents do that, too.)

The super slobbery baby kisses. How cute it is when they blow their kisses. When they decide to do it just because.

Having dance parties to the Primary songs you play on the piano, or the My Little Pony music, or the goofy stuff your husband brings home. Watching your toddler break dance, and being stunned that he was born that way.

Watching them love each other, miss each other, even act naughty because they can’t handle the change of being apart.

Discovering their personalities, and realizing that each of them is completely different from the others, but sometimes they all like the same things, just for fun.

Watching them grow and learn and discover new things about this world.

Loving them so much. Having tickle parties. Playing peek-a-boo. Playing hide-and-seek or tag. Laughing.

Reading books. Discovering their favorites. Listening to them read to each other when you’re busy.

There are so many beautiful moments in motherhood. They are sweet and special and should never be forgotten or drowned out by the world. I am so grateful to be a mother, and love that I get the chance to do so.”

        I’m so grateful for my sister, because I have only had about a month and a half to prepare for my mission, so it’s essentially like, “I dare you to find a year and a half’s worth of modest clothing all in a month and a half.”  It would have been absolutely impossible to do without her, and her awesome husband who so nicely provides for her family so she can go out and do those things when needed.

After really looking into the subject of motherhood, I found a few big ways that it’s being attacked in the world. The first way that I found is socially.

        The two groups that I thought attacked it straight on are the Ordained Women group and those who are in favor of same-sex marriage.  I want to give an analogy really quick. 

So there is a doctor and there is an engineer who are trying to save a patients life.  Your first thought may be, well doctors are the ones who save lives, so obviously there’s no need for the engineer, however the doctor doesn’t have the technology he needs in order to save the patients life, so with careful collaboration, the engineer creates a new machine, and is able to show the doctor how it should be used in order for the life to be saved.  Which results in just what they were going for, a saved life.

That is exactly what the relationship between a mother and father is.  Two separate roles that work together to for one purpose, raising strong, worthy children of God.  You can’t have two doctors because even with those two great minds, neither of them were trained to put a machine together, and you can’t have two engineers because they’ll probably snip an artery, but you also can’t have the engineer doing the job along with the doctor because nobody will be working on the machine, and you can’t have the doctor work on the machine because then the patient will be neglected. 
  

The world tells us that society has taught women to be feminine and men to be masculine, but that’s a lie.  In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”  That means that from the beginning of time I have been feminine, and I will be for all of eternity.  All of you boys have always been masculine and always will be.  President James E. Faust once said that femininity, “is the divine adornment of humanity.  It finds expression in your … capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quite strength.  It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each … possesses it.  Femininity is part of your inner beauty.” 

Those qualities that he listed are what make a mother so wonderful.  Their capacity to love, their spirituality, their sensitivity, their gentleness.  That’s why kids are always asking Dad for Mom.  Because they have characteristics that are perfect for raising children.

In a talk given by Margaret D. Nadauld in the October 2000 general conference she said, “When you observe kind and gentle mothers in action, you see women of great strength.  Their families can feel a spirit of love and respect and safety when they are near her as she seeks the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the guidance of His Spirit.  They are blessed by her wisdom and good judgment.  The husband and children whose lives they bless, will contribute to the stability of societies all over this world.”

As a mothers influence is strengthened in her home, her children will see the good that only a mother can bring, and they will not be able to deny that that cannot be achieved with two dads, and that motherhood is equal to that of the priesthood.  Just because the world looks down on motherhood doesn’t mean God does.

        Another way that I’ve found motherhood is being attacked is by distractions.  In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.  Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.  In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.  Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” I know ladies, it’s a sacrifice, and yes, like the proclamation said there are exceptions to this, but I know you’ll be blessed as you try to live as closely to that as possible.  So please, don’t let anything come before your children.

        I was reading Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk from this past general conference entitled, “Why Marriage, Why Family”  He brought up a lot of really wonderful things in that talk.  One thing in particular that he said was, “In the premortal world, Lucifer rebelled against God and His plan, and his opposition only grows in intensity.  He fights to discourage marriage and the formation of families, and where marriages and families are formed, he does what he can to disrupt them.  He attacks everything that is sacred about human sexuality, tearing it from the context of marriage with a seemingly infinite array of immoral thoughts and acts.  He seeks to convince men and women that marriage and family priorities can be ignored or abandoned, or at least made subservient to careers, other achievements, and the quest for self-fulfillment and individual autonomy.  Certainly the adversary is pleased when parents neglect to teach and train their children to have faith in Christ and be spiritually born again.  Brothers and sisters, many things are good, many are important, but only a few are essential.”

        I want to read that last line again because I think it is really really important.  “Many things are good, many are important, but only a few are essential.”  Mothers, how often are you neglecting to spend time with your children because you have a new idea for an article on your mommy blog, or because you have to finish up your amazing new creation?  How much money would you spend on your child’s salvation?  Is it more than you make at your job?  Mothers, please, don’t ever neglect your child.  If you keep pushing your child away, he may start feeling like he doesn’t matter to you, and then he’ll start wondering if he can come up to you and say, “Hey Mom, I think I’m gay.” Or “Hey Mom, I really screwed up.”  If you won’t teach your child, the world will, and that is terrifying.

        Bear testimony

            

Year ago started thinking

November start preparing

Talk about fears

No testimony even after reading

Mom always talked about mission

“You don’t have to wait to read”

Read in March

So as I was preparing this talk, I looked in the Bible dictionary, and I loved pretty much everything it had to say about faith, so I’m going to be using what it said a lot throughout my talk.

The first thing I found significant that it said under faith is, “Faith is a principle of action and of power.”  When I found out the book of Mormon was true.  I didn’t just have one small moment of, “Praise the Lord it is true!” and then go to bed.  No, I’m up here speaking because I’m about to leave on a mission.  But please don’t think, “Well crap, I didn’t go on a mission right after I found out the BoM was true.”  Believe me this is one of my bigger actions of faith.  Actually it’s probably my biggest action of faith.  When you get an answer that the BoM is true or that Jo Smith was a prophet or that God wants you doing this or that.  Go act on it. Figure out what you’re going to do now that you have that knowledge.  Go do something.  Go make yourself a better person, or go share it with a friend , or heck share it with your mom, I bet she’d love that! But don’t just say, “Cool God, sounds great. And then go on with your life as if it never happened.  If you don’t act on a spiritual moment you just had, was it really worth the spiritual moment?

Next in the Bible dictionary it says, “All true faith must be based upon correct knowledge or it cannot produce the desired results.”  I think this is really significant.  It has to be bases upon correct knowledge. What I first thought of when I read correct knowledge was, are we being honest with ourselves? There’s a quote by Jeffrey R. Holland and it says, “If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now.”  I think we as humans have a tendency to have these spiritual moments and we’ll know exactly what to do, but once those moments are over Satan will have room to come in and warp how we remember those experiences, and we’ll start second guessing ourselves.  You’ve got to do what you decided to do while the spirit was there with you.  You’ve got to be honest with yourself.

 

The last thing the Bible dictionary stated that I thought was great was, “Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree.”  We’ve all heard the song, “Faith is like a little seed, if planted it will grow.”  But I think the majority of the time you’ve got to do more than simply plant that seed.  You’ve got to work on it.  I’m sure you can ask these two missionaries behind me and anyone else who’s served a mission of times when they go and teach the first lesson and the investigator is so excited and the missionaries ask, “Hey, will you read the BoM?”  And they’re just like, “Yeah!” and the missionaries come back later like, “So did you read it?” And they’re like, “No....” But they’re still so excited about it and want it in their life, which who wouldn’t? Eternal Families, and being free of all sins….  But they won’t read it, and as much as they love the message, they’re not putting in the work they need to.  (It’s going back to the idea that true faith always has an action.)  And it’s sad but eventually it gets to the point that there’s nothing else you can do to help them progress because they won’t put in the work necessary.  You have to put in what you want to get out of it. 

Okay, just before I end, I want to share one more little thought.  This next part is for anyone who may be having doubts about anything in the church.  There is this awesome quote that I love so much that came from one of my institute teachers.  He said, “There is enough proof supporting the church that you can believe in it, but there’s enough proof against the church that you have to have faith.”  I love that.  It is so true.  There are a lot of random answers the church gives that may seem like cop outs, such as, “You have no proof that God exists.” “Well, you have no proof that he doesn’t exist.” Or, that quote from Uchtdorf, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith,” or “Why is this thing this way?”  “Oh well, that’s something God hasn’t told us because we can’t comprehend that right now.” They all sound like such cop outs.  I’m not trying to undermine any of them, they’re all great.  Uchtdorf’s quote has especially helped me, but none of them really give a straightforward answer to anything.  But you know what? You’ve got to look at both sides.  Is it possible that there will one day be proof that God exists?  Yeah.  Is it possible that our doubts are wrong and our faith is right?  You bet.  Is it possible that we really can’t comprehend what God comprehends? Darn right it is.

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